The Stand Alone Complex

Alright I think it’s time for my lazy ass to put pen to paper (or hand to keyboard) and write something about myself. So, if you are new to me or have known me for quite some time but still know nothing about me (which is a lot of people) I think the three things people should know about me are: 1. I’m a Hawaiian shirt wearing motherfucker… I got a closet full of at least 100 of dem shirts, 2. I’m handsome as hell… prove me wrong, and 3. that I’m the silent person in the background at work, at home and around people in any setting… so let us talk about this fact since that’s usual the thing that somehow rubs some people the wrong way.

I think to properly understand me and my silent assassin ways I should briefly talk about how I was raised. I was born and raised with a family full of anti-social individuals that particularly did not like each other… very two-faced when being around among each other. Basically, my family was a band of gypsies only together because each member couldn’t survive on their own so begrudgingly they stuck together for survival… so by default that made me an introvert gypsy as well and I had no choice of the matter because I was a victim of being a product of my environment. Growing up in this type of environment I could never ask for help for anything because I would never get it from my family since everyone were loners so I had to grow up an island among myself relying on nobody but myself and communicating with no one.

Ironically the one lesson my parents did teach me was that and I quote “the less you talk the less trouble you will get into” … true story and in retrospect that’s a weird lesson to teach a child but it just goes to show you that mentally I was fucked from the start. As a result, I never really developed the ability or tolerance for conversations in general, I don’t have the mental demeanor for it. At best, I can give you a solid 5 minutes of small talk, afterwards I get bored and my mind blanks out and starts thinking about stuff like candy, anime or Fresh Prince of Bel-Air reruns. Personally, I don’t mind it because I was never a fan of conversation to begin with, I rather text you than call you because I like to get straight to the point. Being a lone wolf, all my life meant not having to worry about engaging into conversations and that never bothered me but as the old saying goes “yall don’t hear me though”.

I don’t think people understand that I really don’t want a spotlight on me, that I am the most comfortable when I am just chillin’ in the background observing the vibes around me. Plus, generally I never have anything to say so why must I pretend like I do and make myself look and sound like a smart-dumb individual with no clue of what I am saying? Bottom line is that I let my actions do my talking for me. I know there are times that I do need to open my mouth and there is a very small part of me that tries to break the mental programming that defines who I am but at the same time I don’t want to become someone I am not. So, I guess if I had to sum all of this up is that silence is golden because I am free to be who I am but then again maybe it’s deadly because you don’t know what I am capable of.

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